What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
please come you make the beer taste better
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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