he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize