The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
