She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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