She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize