He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
