He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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