I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
