You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
