i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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