3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
