ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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