Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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