I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
