i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
