Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
