(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize