it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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