her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
