i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I looked at my own cervix.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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