Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We are all done wearing pants today
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
