he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize