Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
