just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
