Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
