I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
