we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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