i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
