Me too!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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