What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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