He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
4 words: hood of his car
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
