ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
