I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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