I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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