I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
