if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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