I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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