i need an iv and a liver transplant
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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