He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
