I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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