Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm going to jail i love you
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
