it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my sisters under your porch take her home
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Randomize
