I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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