i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
