I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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