I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
