I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
