I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
