He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
