she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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