He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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