Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize