I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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