Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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