its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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