he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm passing your future prison.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
