dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Farmville is her only friend.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
