Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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