margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize