what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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