Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
