apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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