apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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