was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize