im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
