This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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