Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
