After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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