question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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