If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize