10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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