Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
